Yes I need another wee - get over it!

Picture this - You’re at dinner with friends, the drinks are flowing, the conversation is flowing, you’re having the time of your life. Then your bladder calls. The first time is fine, no big song and dance, everyone at the table will go to the loo at some point in the evening. But it’s not the first wee you’re worried about. It’s the second. And, heaven forfend, the third!

We’ve all been there right? You’re at a small dinner party and you’ve already been to the toilet three times (not unnoticed by the other guests). Your friend (let's call her Linda) is recounting the longest story you’ve ever heard about how she dropped red wine on her beige espadrilles in 1993 and she’s never been able to find ones the same. You try to focus but you can’t hold it anymore. You give it one last “They don’t make them like they used to” and excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. “Again?!” comes the chorus from around the table "Surely not again!?”. Now all the attention is on you and your bladder. You’re in the spotlight and sheepishly apologise or try to make a joke of it  “I have the bladder of a small pigeon”.

You make your escape and dash to the bathroom as fast as you can, winching at the pressure in your bladder. The wee is such a blessed relief (so is the break from the prattle about casual summer shoes).

Back at the table you’re convinced all eyes are on you and your bladders next move. And after being back at the table for what feels like no time at all, your bladder calls once more. At this point you think Linda might pass out if you say you need to go again. So, whilst the conversation moves onto “Who was the best James Bond?” (Which of course is Sean Connery) you try to come up with a plan.

You start shifting your seat, feeling very uncomfortable as your bladder screams at your brain, and when Linda’s husband inevitably brings up George Lazenby as the actor who only played Bond once, you announce that you need to make a phone call (Please say I’m not the only one who has done this) Yes, it’s a lie! But it’s the only plan you can think of to get yourself out of the room and into the bathroom without Linda submitting you to the Guinness book of records for having the most wees in one night!

You confidently head out to the room, phone in hand,  pretending to turn one way before doubling back on yourself to the loo like an undercover agent in Mission impossible. At this point you want to stay here all night, sit comfortably with a good book and forget the world outside of this bathroom. How long before they come looking for me?

But why should we feel this way? You might have been the only one at Linda's party that went to the toilet 5 times but you certainly aren’t alone. One in three women experience bladder issues. One in three! Look around the room and do the maths. And it’s not just women, you’ll see plenty of men doing the desperate shuffle to the loo too.
I almost couldn’t believe that figure when I first read it. It certainly doesn’t seem to match up with how we talk about bladder health with friends or how we treat it as a society (don’t get me started on theatre toilet queues). One in three means that so many people deal with this in silence. But why?

In reality we are talking about muscles here, in a world OBSESSED with muscles. How our muscles look, how they work, how we train our muscles, how we feed our muscles. So why is this any different? For those of us with urgency we are talking about the bladder muscles which help hold the urine, for those with leaks we are talking about the pelvic floor which helps control the release. So there is really no need for all the pearl clutching and hushed voices. Let’s change this conversation, let’s educate ourselves and others on the bladder muscle and the pelvic floor muscles, let’s learn how to feed and train these muscles, let’s learn what triggers them. And for goodness sake, let's stop allowing people to make us feel less than.

It doesn’t matter where you are with your bladder health; nobody should feel like they have to go through it in silence.

So, the next time you’re at a dinner party and you need your fifth wee of the night, instead of army rolling under the table to avoid detection, let’s change the perception. And who knows, you could open up a very interesting conversation about muscles - Surely it’s far more interesting than George Lazenby (Sorry George)

And if your dinner companions still try to make a big deal of it, I’d just say:

“Yes I need another wee! Get over it!”

Love, Bea x